When looking to develop yourself, is it also better to see yourself through other people's eyes?

They say that the eyes are the window to the soul. When you want a well-rounded and honest view of who you are, only trusting your opinion, in my opinion, can't be the only way to look at it. I know from personal experience that I had been too tough on myself and others not tough enough. These skewed opinions can sometimes be beneficial, but rarely do you find that sweet spot of where to develop, what we excel at, and a well-rounded, accurate representation of ourselves when all the other walls and defences are down.

It is a blend of your opinion and using trusted people. Looking through your own eyes allows for: -

Self-reflection

Self-reflection is something I am looking to add more and more into what I do. I read an interview conducted by David Artell at the start of last season, who spoke about how Pep Guardiola reflects every three days. I tried to do this throughout the season with varying degrees of success. I set some base questions to answer, such as how well I communicated with people and anything else I thought relevant. Reading back over them has provided some interesting insights. I also used the reflection app, which I found easier to record my thoughts. These are also in addition to reflecting on sessions and my performance. Being as honest as possible is imperative when reflecting –good, bad, or indifferent. I find doing a hot debrief after a session worthwhile – either a voice note or a note on my phone. Then a couple of days later, I would go over what I have said and put if that still feels relevant or if I am thinking differently.

Experiences

When faced with new experiences, check in on yourself and see how you feel. Your gut feeling will give you an indication of how you are handling situations. Facing new situations helps you grow. I would never have said being a Head of Coaching was something for me, but I love what I am going. For the final few weeks of the season, I had the opportunity to lead the Academy, which gave me an excellent opportunity to be responsible for the decision made at that time. I enjoyed the experience more than I thought, but it confirmed that I'm still not ready to sit behind a desk. I still want to be involved in coaching and being on the grass. There are still things I want to do and achieve in these areas. The experience from this has given me opportunities to grow.

Through other people's eyes

Mentors

These can be formal and informal. It has only really been the last 12-18 months that I have appreciated and understood the power of having mentors. For many years I have had, without knowing, informal mentors. People with whom I can discuss football, tactics, development, players etc. These people, I have always said, have come into my life at the right time for the stage of my development. Some were tougher than others, and looking back, I can see the part they have played in the development to where I am now and my confidence in myself. Over the past few months, due to the role I have, I have been given formal mentors and introduced to other mentors who have helped me immensely with how I act and should act in situations I face.

A child

As we know, children don’t have filters and say it as they see it, at times even to the detriment of our egos, and I find this is a good reality check; I have been lucky to have a nephew and two nieces who let me know what they are thinking and if they see any changes.

Conclusion

Trust, honesty, and relationships are the critical thread that runs through these four. When looking at yourself, be truthful; that doesn't mean you must tear yourself to shreds. Just take the emotion out of it and see it for what is good, bad, or indifferent. When using other people's eyes, know whose opinions you trust. Not just to be told well done, but who will tell you what you need to hear. The relationships you have with people then play a crucial role. To build trust in relationships with people, honesty is always a critical element. If you know people can be truthful with their words and actions, trust and relationships can build. Always be wary of people who are nice to your face but are critical of you behind your back. For your development, you need to trust the words people tell you.